iCant Save You
by BoxOfTrinkets
Summary: she's broken. she's lost. she needs him. he tries to save her. he loves her. he cant.


She always seemed to find herself back on this damn fire escape. It was one of the only places left that held something other than a bad memory for her. After every time she and her mother fought. Every time she and her latest boy fought and he had tired himself of beating her senseless, she would somehow find it in her to crawl onto this fire escape and allow herself to get lost in the few happy memory her mind still holds. Every time she felt lost and needed something solid to hold onto. She curls up on herself and pulls her sweater tighter against her thin and frail body. The wind blows her long curls around her head, but she doesn't move to restrain them. She shivers against the cold. Waiting for him. Her face still hurts. Her arms are still black and blue, gifts from the boy who swears he loves her. She wants to cry. But she doesn't. Not yet. If she breaks down alone she might not make it. She needs him to keep her safe from herself.

The window slides open slowly and she hears him clear his throat. The sound brings the tears forth and she turns slowly to face him. His face is expressionless, but in his deep brown eyes shimmer the same pain that's there every time he finds her here. They stare at each other her a minute. Blue into brown. He motions her inside. She slowly gets up and follows him into his bedroom, where they sit side by side on his bed. He stares at her. She stares at the floor. She's ashamed. She feels so low under his watch. She doesn't know why she feels the need to come here. She never lets him touch her. Just cries while he watches. She needs his presence to let her know she's not alone. At least for the moment.

He longs to hold her. To fix this shell of the strong girl he once knew. But he knows better. There is no way he can get past her wall that she's so carefully constructed around her. So instead he just watches her as she stares at the floor and lets the tears flow down her angelic face. Just like she wants him to. Needs him to. He remains expressionless. He keeps his face as expressionless as possible, swallowing the hate and rage at the monster that keeps hurting her, who keeps ruining her beautiful face with the bruises. Swallows the painful feeling that makes him want to cry and kiss her at the same time. Swallows and forces down the urge to wrap his arms around her and hold her together as she falls apart. He just watches her.

She never looks at him. Usually she just sobs until she curls up on herself out of exhaustion and he tucks her into his bed and he sleeps on the floor. Tonight is no different. She lets herself unravel and she breaks down on her self, sobbing quietly as not to wake his mother. She feels him watching her. She wants him to hold her. She needs his touch. But she knows he won't. Because she won't let him. It kills her that he won't. She loves him. She wants him. She forces herself to stop crying. And she looks up at him.

He's caught off guard. She never looks at him during their nights together. She always keeps her face to the floor. He doesn't allow his expression to change. He doesn't show his surprise. Just stares back at her calmly from behind his mask. The pale moonlight falls in from his open window. Her white and fragile face is illuminated by her soft halo of blonde curls. Her cheekbone is stained with a purple bruise and more decorate her throat. Her beautiful blue eyes are rimmed with red, making them shine brighter by contrast. Freddie thought her eyes had never looked more beautiful. They stare at each other. He decides that since she broke one rule, he can break one as well. He cautiously lifts a hand to her face and cups her cheek softly, his face still void of emotion. She flinches slightly, but doesn't move away from him; rather she leans into his strong hand and allows more tears to fall. He rubs his thumb over her bruise softly and she almost says something. He's dismantling her wall. Brick by brick. She's letting him. She wants him to tear down her wall so he can save her. She can't do it herself.

He moves his hands to her sweater, slowly and carefully he pulls it off, revealing the other bruises and cuts that almost artistically dace across her porcelain skin. The first wave of emotion runs across his face, disappearing as fast as it appeared. Sam saw it. Pain. She moves herself forward with caution. Pulling herself into him lap. His arms slowly wrap around her almost instinctively, but his face doesn't change. His face remains blank. She doesn't meet his eyes anymore. He watches her carefully, fighting his hardest not to break. He can't break. He was the only solid thing she had to hold onto. If he broke down he would lose her.

She lifts her face and stares into his eyes. He doesn't move. She leans forward and kisses him softly. His eyes are still open, he's still expressionless. She closes her eyes and kisses him harder, trying to nudge a response out of him. He keeps his eyes open but gently kisses her back. He's fighting so hard with himself. He wants her. He wants to feel her. He wants all of her. But he can't break. He's so close to breaking. She can feel his lack of response and all the feelings of inadequacy and loneliness come back to her. Tears slip down her face and he can taste the salt on her mouth. She's still kissing him as she whisper apologies against him mouth. Her broken whispers cut through him like razors. He begins to feel the rage coming back. What the hell is she apologizing for? Tears threaten his eyes and his heart constricts. She can't apologize anymore, because she's crying too hard as she still kisses him. He continues to kiss her back with his eyes open. Determined not to break. To still be her rock.

She pulls at his shirt and he allows her to pull it off of him. His expression doesn't change as he pulls hers off as well and gently pushes her down onto his bed. She follows him, almost desperately. She wants to feel him. She wants him to feel her. She keeps kissing him with her salty mouth and he keeps his eyes open. He's almost robotic as he removes the rest of her clothing without a single hint of emotion. Tears run down her face as she removes his and they stare at each other. She whispers one more apology. She whispers his name and gently wipes her tears off his face.

His will dissolves. He finally closes his eyes and kisses her fiercely, gripping her to him tightly so she won't break. She clings to him and he takes her right there on his bed. They move together under his sheets. The pain and anger finally find there way onto his face and his tears mingle with hers as there mouths meet again and again in fierce desperation. He tries to feel all of her at once. She moves against him and lets her self fall apart completely in the safety of his arms. He whispers her name repeatedly and she whispers his in response. His breathing becomes uneven and she tangles her fingers in his hair to keep his face near hers. He begins to tremble. He says her name louder, and louder. She bites down on his shoulder to hold in her cries. His breath hitches and he collapses on her and begins to sob. She pushes his arms around her and he pulls her to him. He holds her tightly and cries into her hair. Cries because he loves her. And he can't protect her. She clings to him. Trying to be his rock for once.

His breathing slows and they release each other. He stares into her eyes. Her broken blue eyes. Pain swells up in him as he knows he didn't save her. He only temporarily led her to safety. She stares into his eyes and knows she's breaking him. Piece by piece. She's bringing him down with her and she can't stop it. She can't help it. She loves him. He traces every one of her bruises with gentle fingertips. She lies against him and calms him down whenever the hate returns to his eyes. She falls asleep in his arms. He falls asleep in hers. Two broken souls. Held together by each others arms, safe even if just for a night. He pretends to be asleep when she leaves quietly in the morning. He almost calls her back. But stops himself. Her wall is back up and he can't save her. He watches her go back, back to everything that's slowly killing her. His heart breaks as he watches her climb out his window.

Her heart breaks as she climbs out the window. She watches him sleep. He looks so tired. She leaves without waking him. She builds her wall around herself again and leaves him. He lays there. Patiently awaiting her return. He waits there like a rock. Ready to try and save her when she needs him again.


End file.
